if you know what life is worth ...

... you will look for yours on earth.

how many times have i sung that song and never actually stopped to think about the words? (get up, stand up ... bob marley). that was playing in the gellah gellah on the way into brikama and it made me reflect on my time here in africa, and what life will be like when i return to the US. in fact, i've spent much of the last few days thinking about this experience - laughing with sandra about our ups and downs, wondering what will come of the sarr family who i've grown to love, wondering if i'll ever see them again, if i'll ever return to the gambia.

this is likely to be the last post i write from africa as i don't think i'll make it back to an internet cafe after today. i'll follow up with more pics when i get back to the US, and perhaps some final reflections. maybe i'll do that while sitting in a coffeeshop sipping a latte and eating a muffin. OHMYGOD, imagine! i'm salivating here in the african heat.

there's so many things i'll take with me from this experience. or try, at least: living simply; a morning routine; the joy of reading and writing again; a new definition of what it means to be 'broke,' 'starving,' 'bored,' 'hot,' '(im)patient'; the idea that 'today is for you, tomorrow is for me'; and SO much more that it would be impossible to capture everything here.

i won't miss eating fish with crunchy bones; chickens, dogs and cats picking at my feet when i drop rice; bumster guys yelling 'hey bosslady' at me; children getting whacked; offers of marriage (however amusing); mosquitos in my room; showering with thongs; squatting with a headlamp at 2 in the morning; a razor that squeeks with each pull; a layer of dust on everything; and probably other things i won't even realize until i'm back and don't have to deal with them anymore.

but there's a lot i will miss: beautiful smiles accompanied by hellos and how's-de-days; long spaces of time for myself, guiltily enjoying daydreams; mangos; bucket showers (yes, bucket showers - especially by moonlight or in the heat of the day with lake-temperature water); lively and animated conversations, despite not understanding them; the rice-imposed weight loss program; living in a neighborhood where kids run free and everyone knows everyone; living with 2 long-sleeves, 3 tank-tops, 2 long-shorts, and 1 skirt (aka simply!); the tapalapa (bread); being called 'fatou sarr' as i walk through the village!

i know that i am going to take away a profound sense of appreciation for what i have. and by 'have' i do not mean the material things - though those will be nice, no doubt. a house with electricity, running water, and a toilet sounds just grand. but grateful, rather, for all of the opportunities that i have. to study, to work, to live well, to have healthcare, to love passionately and expressively, to control - where it is possible - my future, to dream with possibility. i know i've appreciated these things - but only in a thoughtless way. thoughtless as in literally 'without thought' - but i certainly have a greater understanding of what these things mean and how lucky i am.

but let that 'luck' not turn to complaisance, that is probably the single biggest wish for myself upon my return. yes, and especially now, i DO know what life is worth ... and i will look for mine on earth.

more when i've crossed continents for the last time for awhile... thanks for sharing the journey with me!